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Laughing Last. And First. And in between. [May. 5th, 2016|08:06 pm]
[mood |gigglygiggly]

Without getting too deep into the details, I'm laughing my head off at this dumb bitch. She is so threatened by my friendship with her boyfriend (who I've known longer than she has) that she's basically forbid him from ever hanging out with me. The thing is, if she hadn't done that, we would have gone on just being sort of casual friends and not really thinking about each other much. But her psycho response has basically had the opposite effect of the one I presume she intended. We rarely see each other, but least once a week, this guy starts texting me for hours on end, telling me all the stuff that's going on in his life, his hopes and fears, the books he's reading, the movies he's watching, all the getting-to-know-you growing-closer stuff that you do with really good friends, to the point that we now have a pretty solid relationship, one in which I am privy to the details of all this chick's petty little insecurities.

That's right, Potato Princess (I'm going to call her Potato Princess). Your campaign to keep your boyfriend from being at all involved with me has resulted in us becoming much more involved. Plus, now I know all your dirty little secrets. I know the stuff he doesn't like about you. You literally created a situation in which the boy you have attempted to rein in now complains about you to the very person you have tried to cut out of his life. Normally I don't engage in that kind of longform texting except with people I'm already really close to. But in this case, I went along with it just to spite her.

Because I am feeling bitchy myself, I will point out that Potato Princess is the secondary in a polyfidelity relationship, i.e., her boyfriend is married to another woman. But somehow, the fact that he might want to see me a couple times a year is the thing that's threatening to her.

Even more hilarious is that she's younger than me, and prettier, and has a fitter body. So that fact that I'm threatening to her makes me feel great. I can say prettier in an objective sense, although frankly, whenever she looks at me she gets this constipated church lady sucking a lemon face on, so I guess my proximity actually makes her less pretty. We have a lot of mutual friends, so we end up at the same gatherings on a fairly regular basis. She always pretends she doesn't know me or can't see me. I always go out of my way to call her by name and give her a big friendly hug, because I'm passive aggressive like that.

It's petty as hell, yes, and yet somehow reassuring. Middle aged, married lady here. Potato Princess, every little thing you do in response to my existence just makes me feel that much better about myself. Guess I still got it.